Guilt Trip to Stress City
Things don’t usually go as planned.
In November, I thought I would have my new website and fitness guides up by January 1, 2016. Did that happen?
By the end of January, I wanted to have my figure/bikini guide up for download. Is it done yet?
Today, my goal was to bust on through that figure/bikini guide and have it finished tonight. Did that happen?
My husband is out of town this week which leaves me to tend to the kiddo’s, take care of clients, cook, do laundry and somehow have time left over to feed myself and maybe even shower. I am lucky if I actuallyget dressed and put something on other than slipping a hoodie over the tank top I slept in the night before traipsing around bra-less until absolutely necessary.
My goal for today was at the very least, finally finish up this figure/bikini guide and put it up on my blog for a free download for a while before attaching an affordable little price tag on it. But what happened instead… my site crashed. It was down from 1pm to 10pm… all the while I frantically try to figure out the issue and how to fix it.
Time is money right? As I am thinking about content I posted on various social media site that link back to my website and blog, I worry about my credibility… the 1000 readers that managed to hit my site in that time frame now thinking it doesn’t exist, lost fitness guide sales, lost clients… Managing and designing my own website is a pain in the ass and has consumed the majority of my work time, second to my clients of course, since the end of November.
This morning, my kids were up at their usual 5:45 am. Being in survival mode with my husband gone, I handed my kids the kindle and some puffins cereal for about an hour before I got out of bed catching another weird ass dream about the most random shit ever.
Once up, it’s breakfast, pack lunches, get the kids ready, get me ready (sort of), tell my youngest to stop throwing his socks in the air and put them on, and race out the door to school only to come back and find all sorts of issues. My youngest is in preschool half days and my oldest in kindergarten full days. So, when it came time to pick up my youngest (which went buy much too quickly), we hit the gym (cuz I got goals) and I somehow managed to stay focused to get in a decent workout. Then, home we go, lunch we had and then what… being in survival mode with website issues, I popped in a movie. I sat next to my little bugger while he enjoyed some organic popcorn (one thing I felt sort of good about) while I made phone calls and chatted online with bluehost regarding my website crashing problem. I had about 20,oo0 tabs open on my browser for fear or losing any directions or links I was given but I had to keep up with their directions.
My oldest comes home… I am still on the damn phone so they play video games until I am done… ending in a crying fit while I am trying to finish up with the bluehost guy on the phone rushing him along with “yep”, “uhuh”, “thanks!”
Now I tend to neglected tears, pop some burgers in the oven (thank gawd they were pre prepped in the freezer). We build kinecs, put on the bubble machine (running naked through it no less, not me! the kids sillies), bath, dinner (me eating pop tarts for my carbs because I had no prepped sweet potatoes in the freezer- don’t ask my paleo friends).
Reading books while my four year old slithers and climbs around the couch-my head-the dog and dodging feet and limbs. Then onto what feels like an impossible task of herding these two into the bathroom to brush their teeth, get water, go potty and be in bed by 7… holy crap!!! The stress in my shoulders felt like my 4 year old riding around on them for about 6 hours on an uphill hike (which we have done mind you).
um yeah… I get the taste of the life of a single parent when my husband travels… My Mom was a single parent and I know that life all too well. All I can say is guilt trip to stress city.
The time my kids spent with movies and video games today, the time I took to go to the gym with my four year old, the time I spent working on my site…. I do not like one bit but you know what, sometimes it just has to happen to keep us sane so we can push through a day, and it is just fine. So, I may have felt guilty while half ignoring my children and prioritizing my website and business issues but I am not going to beat myself up about it.
It’s like with anything. We are not perfect. We mess up as parents, we mess up our diets, our workouts or any other goal for that matter but it’s not the end!
At the end of the day, I know tomorrow is a new day, my website is fixed (for now) and I can set aside my work when my children get home (or so I plan) 😀